Chocolate Rain is Raining in my Brain

Have you ever had a goal that really excites you and then you find out that no one else is excited and you don't know if you really should be working toward that goal anymore?

This week has been interesting in that I have been reevaluating what I want to do with my life. Adam and I took a good look at our finances and ever since I have been looking online for a job. That was a few weeks ago if you remember, and yet nothing has come of it. The only thing more stressful than having a job is looking for one. I know that you just have to hang in there and continue applying to everything and anything, but I am tired of looking for a job I don't even want. All the jobs I do want don't want me. Do I take a job that I'm gonna hate just to get the money or do I hold out for that one job that I will be able to put my heart into?

I also looked at what it takes to go back to school. I have only 9 credits that I have to take on BYU campus and the rest I can take Independent Study. In order to go back before Winter semester 2011 I have to meet with a counselor regularly and accept that I need help, because of my grades last Fall. Or I can just wait and go back later but if I do that I have to reapply to the University. Also trying to time that all in with planning our family is leaving me bewildered and frustrated.

Speaking of family, we have been waiting so long for all this insurance junk to get worked out and now that we finally have everything we need to apply we have been two months without coverage. So they may just not accept us. Gah! We have insurance that covers some personal sickness and if I end up in the hospital (which is the hope with trying to have kids), but nothing for anything else. Nobody told us it would take this long to submit an application. If we had known we would have started working on it long before BYU dropped us.

I get advice from so many people telling what I should do or what they would do, but I still don't know what the Lord wants me to do. Is this a test? Do I need to have faith that it will all work out? All the while time keeps slipping away and if we have no direction we are going nowhere. It would be easier to be patient and have faith if the rest of the world wasn't telling me to move faster and that I should simply do "this" or "that."

Life is hard, and then you die. But at the same time everything will turn out alright in the end, if it's not alright it's not the end. So I guess the moral of the morals is that life is hard and then it will turn out alright by the time it is the end. Baby steps has always worked before. I guess I can rely on them now. Baby steps out of bed, baby steps to perfection. Okay. Here we go.

Just look at me go!

Alright, the Highlight of the Week was Salt Lake Sunday! Adam and I went to Salt Lake to take some pictures for his photography class and we ended up giving the sister missionaries a referral. Yay! I love missionaries. I also got to play Skip-Bo with Cody and that was a blast. We both won in the same game. I won first and then Amy quit so I played Amy and Cody won. Crazy right? It really is one of my favorite games. Also Heather bought the fourth book in the Fablehaven series and she finished it so now I get to read it. Wahoo! I love a good book.

So that's my update on life. I have no idea. The end. P.S. I don't know what Chocolate Rain has to do with anything.